Their union is “non-traditional”

Because marriage is an ever-changing experience, we are constantly changing, changing, and in some cases, constantly starting over. In It’s No Secret, couples share their thoughts on engagement and tell us what they’ve learned, revealing their secret to making it work. (Answers are modified for context and space.)

who Daisy Eagan, 42, and Kurt Bloom, 53

Professions Ms. Eagan is an actress; Mr. Bloom is the director of operations for Guitar Center, a musical instrument retailer, in Monetary Park, Calf.

Married One year, 6 months and more.

The couple live in Los Angeles with their 8-year-old son Monty. They tied the knot on May 6, 2020, in Anaheim, Calif., At a Honda automotive hub, where a makeshift wedding station had been set up. “It was Covid, everything was closed,” Ms. Eagan said. “We walked to a kiosk and this court clerk married us. My sister was our witness. They were very bare bones. The Cheesecake Factory was our wedding meal, which we had to go because only their drive-thru was open.

A Zoom celebration followed on May 24 with 30 friends and family watching from a distance. “We exchanged the vows that we had written,” she said. “It was very special.”

Ms. Eagan met Mr. Bloom in 2008, while both were studying writing at Antioch University in Los Angeles. She was 29 and he was 40. “I read her play for her finale,” Ms. Eagan said. “We were smoking outside and he complimented my acting. Then he walked away. He was giving me validation, which I needed, and he was funny. Mr. Bloom was unaware that Mrs. Eagan had won a Tony in 1991 for the best performance by a star actress in a musical for “The Secret Garden”.

Soon after, they found themselves in several of the same classes. This led to study dates, which led to a relationship. In 2010, they moved in together; two years later, they broke up. “We were very unhappy,” Ms. Eagan said. “All we did was smoke cigarettes, drink and watch TV. “

A few weeks later, she found out she was 10 and a half weeks pregnant. “I was staying in a hotel and we met to discuss what to do,” she said. “Kurt said, ‘I want to have this baby with you.’ That’s when I realized I wanted it too.

They got back together. Monty was born in May 2013. Things have not improved. “We thought a baby would take care of us. This is not the case, ”she said. “We were scared and we weren’t ready to work on ourselves. In 2015, they again called for quitting. In 2017, Ms. Eagan toured for over a year with both “The Secret Garden” and “The Humans”. Mr. Bloom took Monty to Seattle so he could care for his terminally ill father.

When Ms. Eagan returned from touring and moved to Brooklyn, Monty came with her. Mr. Bloom too. “Because we couldn’t afford separate places, Kurt moved in with us.” she said. “He lived in Monty’s room. They had bunk beds, I had my own room. We were co-parents and roommates. It was embarrassing, but it was also normal.

They got back together in December 2018 when Ms. Eagan returned from touring. “Once we were physical the feelings and emotions came back – I realized I loved that person,” she said. In July 2019, the trio returned to Los Angeles; Monty had his own room, the couple had theirs. After the Covid coup, Mr Bloom was put on leave and lost his health insurance. Ms. Eagan got hers thanks to SAG-AFTRA. She proposed in April 2020 while the couple had dinner in their apartment.

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Mrs. Eagan We have a traditional non-traditional marriage. I’m in a direct relationship with the outside world, but because I came out in my late 30s as a queer, I didn’t have a chance to explore this as much as I would have liked. I identify as her / them and we have an open relationship. I don’t know if I would act on it, but knowing the door is unlocked is a comfort. It helps me in my queer identity. Maybe I wish Kurt had a mate. It doesn’t worry me. There is a level of respect and acceptance that comes with understanding your partner’s sexuality.

Being married seems more permanent. Love is a commitment and a decision that you make every day. It’s an agreement to work as hard as possible together. Marriage means that I am there for Kurt in an encouraging, financial, emotional, parental, friendly and friendly manner. And he’s there for me. We are equal partners, which seems rare. Hope to have this for the rest of our lives.

I love her so much. This is the person I want to be with. He is supportive, funny and intelligent. He is a wonderful parent and partner. He makes me laugh like no one else does. He is the constant, the calm in the storm. I respect him. I love watching him parent. He kisses me every morning and I think about him all day. He comes home from work and I can’t wait to see him. She’s my favorite person.

I learned that I spent a large part of my life settling down. I didn’t know who I was for a long time. Part of the evolution of this relationship is that I have come to understand who I am. Kurt loves me completely, not a future version or a theoretical version, but me. I never feel like I have to compromise myself to make him happy or comfortable. It’s a gift. He taught me to love and respect myself like I never did before.

Kurt got sober seven years ago for Monty. But it’s because I have limits. He learned to tap into an emotional place he was hiding. It is now a connected, responsive and responsible partner. It made me feel like I have a partner there.

There was a time when I didn’t see the positive in him. All I saw were things that I decided to be flaws. From the start of our relationship, we were two separate people living together. I didn’t know him or myself. I have come to appreciate it, and what we have created. Life is hard but it’s easier to live because we have created our own little universe.

Mr. Bloom I identify myself as he / him. I’m comfortable with identifying Daisy, but she’s comfortable. Its identity has evolved as it has evolved. As a person who loves someone, you learn to listen to them, to accept them, to understand them and to grow with them.

We don’t have a traditional view of marriage; we just have marriage. Having an open and successful relationship means our communication needs to be open and honest all the time. Having this, I don’t mind Daisy being with anyone else. I don’t feel abandoned or left alone because she always wants to be with me, and what luck is this? I have been lucky since the day I met her. I have a son with her and am co-parent with her, and no one else has that with her.

In this marriage, I learned that we are a family. I am part of a team of three. We rely on each other for laughter, food and entertainment. We spent a year and a half plagued together, which we survived intact, stronger and more in love with each other than before.

It took me a long time to get here. I have always been told where I belong; here I found my role in this family, in my partnership and as a parent. There is a feeling of relief, of not being judged or ridiculed. I am appreciated, loved and heard. I feel seen. I give this to Daisy. She lets herself be seen and I see her. This is why it works.

I bring practicality and pragmatism. I bring security and the ability of people to express themselves. I taught Daisy that she doesn’t have to do everything, to let me help and to be open to that help while assuring her that she doesn’t have to carry everything.

When I got sober, I started to find who I was. Growing up, I was not given the tools to get what I wanted and needed. I am accumulating more tools now. I learned to communicate, to be patient and more sensitive. Be present of mind. I have learned to be less harsh on myself. There is room for mistakes; I learned to learn from them.

The way we designed our marriage wouldn’t work for a lot of people, but I can’t imagine anything more wonderful than what we have. It sounds simple in words, but it takes practice. I wouldn’t change a thing.

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