The sister is no longer the same after the removal of the tumor
DEAR ABBY: My sister, who was a bright, happy star to everyone and everyone, was diagnosed with a brain tumour. It was removed with margins of almost 100% several years ago. Our family feels incredibly blessed that she is okay, but they know they are not the same anymore. This is ignored by some close relatives, but not by me.
I’ll be forever grateful that she’s alive and well, but she’s not the sister I knew, no matter how hard she tries. I sympathize with her, I listen, I know she struggles because she misses her old self. I try with sincere messages, but in the end, I feel useless. And, as selfish as it sounds, I miss my sister, my REAL sister, terribly.
I know that’s not what she wants, and I’ll be there for her, no matter what the future holds. But what else can I do for her? I want to be everything she needs me to be, because she is more than deserving. — SUPPORT SIS IN VIRGINIA
DEAR SISTER: Although some of her abilities may be diminished, what your sister needs is for you to be her faithful sister and to love her for the person she is NOW. Support her, love her, appreciate that she’s always with you, and stop focusing on the parts of her personality that are lost. I say this because it is not healthy for any of you to dwell on the negative at this point when there is so much to be grateful for.
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DEAR ABBY: I divorced my husband of 12 years after catching him cheating with several women. I took time for myself and was in no rush to meet anyone. However, about a year after the divorce, I met a great guy. I was quickly introduced to his family and they embraced me, inviting me to vacations and birthday parties etc.
Four years passed and we started talking about marriage. We planned to have our wedding on our favorite beach with our family and some friends. There were several people we would have liked to include but couldn’t due to the pandemic.
Before the ceremony, my husband and I came up with the idea of wearing white masks to take a group photo. As the masks were distributed, her family got angry and said they weren’t going to do anything they didn’t want to do. They then stomped off and would not participate in the vows or any of the photos.
They’re mad at me, and I’m hurt. And the hateful things they said hurt my husband too. I don’t know how to handle this. — BAD IDEA IN FLORIDA
DEAR BAD IDEA: What happened was terrible, and I can’t blame you for feeling hurt by the treatment you and your husband received on your wedding day. However, this is the tribe you married into. Your husband’s family may have reacted strongly because they objected to his face being covered in a photo or to face masks in general. If it was the latter, it’s a shame they felt compelled to take a political stance while you celebrated your nuptials.
Try to be lenient. However, if you are being abused again, recognize that it may be time to distance yourself and focus on your side of the family rather than your husband’s.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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