Miss Manners: Groom says women should pay for weddings

If your fiancé uses this argument, Miss Manners advises you to ensure that a lawyer secures your assets before you marry.

Moreover, he is older than he pretends: this notion is a perversion of the 19th century custom according to which the parents of a young bride, who was presumed to have neither financial resources nor prospects of her own, give the marriage – it being understood that it was now up to the husband to pay all maintenance costs. Is this the deal he wants to make?

Dear Miss Manners: My fiancée’s extended family has an “adult” table and a “kids” table, and always puts us at the kids table.

She is their youngest daughter, but not the youngest in the family by far: there are real children under 10 at this table. I graduated from college and we are getting married this summer.

I think it’s insulting not to be allowed at the adult table. Am I talking about it?

No you just do the children’s table more fun than the adult table. When the grown-ups hear the raucous giggles you elicit from the little ones, which you warned not to say why, Miss Manners hopes there will be another seating arrangement soon.

Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to leave a gift on the doorstep? I dropped off a gift and never received a thank you, so now I wonder if the recipient thought it was rude to drop it off.

Or if a passerby thought it was a generous gesture?

Not being rude doesn’t mean it’s a good idea, and Miss Manners advises you to check to see if it’s been received.

Dear Miss Manners: For many years I have noticed that invitations – both print and electronic – include the zip code as well as the address, city and state of the location. This might come in handy when writing a thank you note after the party, but is it okay to include it on the invitation? It’s especially odd to see it when the event isn’t at the host.

The general rule is to omit cumbersome invitations with information that any sane person would already know. An example is that the year is omitted, as one would not issue an invitation a year in advance; whether for morning or evening is also omitted, as parties do not normally start between midnight and 6 a.m.

But Miss Manners doesn’t know your audience; perhaps their parties do, in which case the distinction would be necessary.

She sees your dot on the zip code. It’s a bit unsubtle for those who issue invitations to appear very conscious of directing where the gifts should be sent. They could, however, manage this by putting the postal code on the envelope, in its place.

©2022, by Judith Martin.

Comments are closed.