Dear Abby: I’m sick of her hanging out son


I have a friend, “Tara”, whom I have known for a long time. At the start of our friendship, when we made plans, she would bring her boyfriend (without asking or telling me). When she started dating her husband, it continued. I ended up loving him and enjoyed the chance to get to know him, but thought it could have been handled better (a planned event where we all hung out every now and then, not her dragging him along towards everything we had planned together).

She’s now married and a mother, and now, every time we go out together, she takes her rambunctious 6 year old with her. Tara’s mother is older and lives with her, and sometimes she comes with them. I’m the boy’s godmother (we’re close, he calls me aunt and I like him a lot) but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend time alone with Tara.

The child is not wise, so taking him out in public is not always pleasant or easy. I am a planner. I don’t like to get tricked into babysitting when I’m expecting a fun girls’ date. Tara usually waits right before we meet to say he’s coming, changes our plans or waits for her to be on her way and says, “I hope it’s okay, ‘Bobby’ is coming with me.” I find it rude and disrespectful to myself and our time together.

I hate losing a longtime friend, but I never know what I’m getting with her and am now hesitant to make plans with her. What would you do in this situation? – SOUTH CAROLINA COOKING DEAR BEDROOM: I would tell my friend that every once in a while, I don’t mind changing plans every now and then, but when I have planned a ‘fun girls day’ with her, I don’t like what she did. Your feelings are valid.

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I have been invited to a wedding. I am close to the bride and want to attend. However, over 400 people have been invited, and I am uncomfortable attending an event of this magnitude where social distancing will be impossible. While I can try to keep my distance and, of course, wear a mask, seating cannot be arranged so that guests can socially distance themselves.

I’m torn between protecting the health of others and myself and preserving my friendship because she is a loving bride and I’m afraid of hurting her feelings. In our state, gatherings of 100 people are allowed if they are outside and people are wearing masks and socially distancing themselves. She thinks the coronavirus is a hoax and God will make it go away completely before she gets married. I need RSVP. Please help. – CONCERN IN OREGON


Tell your friend that you are sorry to miss their wedding, but that you are not comfortable traveling right now or being in a large group as the COVID-19 virus is still a problem and the omicron variant is more contagious than delta.

The COVID virus is not a “hoax” and none of us have such a close relationship with the Almighty that He (or She) will make it go away so that a bride can have a great wedding. The bride-to-be is entitled to her opinion, and you are entitled to yours as well, so send your regrets and the reason for them, and don’t get caught up in a debate about it.

PS A nice wedding gift could “soften” the blow of your absence.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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What adolescents need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and how to get along with their peers and parents can be found in “What Every Teenager Should Know”. Send your name and mailing address, along with an $ 8 check or money order (in US dollars) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling costs are included in the price.)

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