Call me a coward – Evanston RoundTable
I live in a relatively small town. How do I tactfully get rid of my hairdresser when she also cuts my boyfriend’s hair?
Everyday is Bad Hair Day in Wisconsin
Dear every day,
I know someone who had the same hairdresser for over 40 years. She’s also had the same haircut for over 40 years, and I mean exactly the same style. She is joined at the hip by her stylist, who came to cut her hair in the hospital when she was sick, came to her house when she was recovering, then began cutting her children’s hair and eventually his grandchildren. We can’t all be so lucky. Or so happy to look exactly the same every day.
You have two choices, really. One is the way to avoid conflict that I usually prefer – but I freely admit it’s the less healthy choice – and that is to slip away without telling her and pray that you don’t meet her. at the Piggly Wiggly. The other, and much better choice in my opinion, is to tell her you’re ready to try someone new. It doesn’t have to be hostile and I guess she sees people coming and going all the time and she won’t mind. You are the paying customer, after all. Your money, your hair, your choice. The more you treat it as “no big deal”, the more “no big deal” it will be. Good hairstyle!
When I was in college, I had a group of six friends, all women. One of these women – I’ll call her Anne – wasn’t always treated well by others, so I always went the extra mile to give her special attention over the years. Now Anne is getting married and invited two of the other women in the group (who never treated her so well), while she didn’t invite me (who did). It stings. I don’t want to say anything to him and risk ruining this party time, but wtf? How can I get rid of this hole of resentment in my stomach?
The way to get rid of that resentful hole in your stomach is to take all the money you’ve saved up on a dress, a shower gift, transportation to the wedding if it’s not in your town (and when will you ever?), hotel and wedding gift, and go on a beach vacation where you can lay on the sand like a sloth and sip umbrella drinks as the waves crash onto the shore. This is the way to turn half empty into half full!
When it comes to weddings, you can never know what’s going on with decisions like guest lists. You don’t know what their budget is, how many of Keokuk’s cousins have unexpectedly answered “yes”, which guests she feels she has to invite for some reason, or if she’s still trying to fit in. the good graces of the “cool” girls.
And because you’ll never know, you can’t over-emphasize the idea of ”invite” even though it’s tempting! Plus, anyone who’s ever been through it knows that, ironically, weddings can bring out the worst in people. Call me jaded, but if I had to do it again, I’d sneak off to city hall, have a potluck in the park, put some Sly on a speakerphone, and dance to the bank. But that’s just me!
Unfortunately, I was recently at a memorial for one of my sisters-in-law. It was a casual outdoor gathering — a potluck and bonfire — no real service or speeches, which is apparently what she wanted. Catching up with one of my nephews, who is 21, his mother answered all my questions for him. It was so weird. I would ask her about school and shed start with all the courses he is taking, as well as a list of his extracurricular activities.
He didn’t seem really uncomfortable, but I was. Next time I see them, how can I avoid this controlling mother hen? They seem to be together a lot.
I can’t say that I blame you. It sounds weird.
But let’s give your sister-in-law the benefit of the doubt (for now) and assume she picked up a really bad habit from when your nephew was preverbal and speaking for him. I know it’s overkill. However, a little imagination can help here.
Even if you don’t have a creative way to separate the son from the mother, you can always invent one! Like, say, calling him remotely with, “Hey John, would you mind helping me out here?” then ask him to help you move something or drive somewhere. Once disconnected from mom, you should be able to catch up in a more relaxed way. Confronting your sister-in-law about her odd behavior won’t get you anywhere fast. I prefer the sneaky alternative to unnecessary confrontation. Or you may have more than one bonfire on your hands.
Call me a coward but call my blood pressure just above “corpse”.
Dear Gaby appears in the Round Table every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom and wit. And a pinch of snark. She is by no means a qualified therapist, but has seen and loved many in her time. Her goal is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how diverging from hers. Write to Gaby at [email protected]